Monday, April 13, 2009

Indian Politics - 'Back to the future'

With so much action going on in Indian politics, a gullible Indian voter can be excused for being confused. What with politicians putting chameleons to shame by their ever-changing colours, and parties forming and breaking alliances at the drop of a hat. Why, even before we were getting some clarity about what exactly the Third Front is and who is in and out of it, there is already talk of a fourth front! Going at this rate, we could easily have the forty-third front by the time counting of votes is over. Whatever number the eventual front identifies with, the Left and Samajwadis will be in it surely. Why? Nobody else wants them in, as simple as that! Going by the Left's views on economy and the latest brilliantly retrograde manifesto of the SP, I recommend that the new coalition should be called 'Left Backs'. So here is a glimpse of the future cabinet of ministers.

Minister for Law - Pappu Kalani. He has spent such a long time in jail, doesn't he deserve a recognition for that? He has actually contested elections from inside the jail and won! Who else can claim to know our legal system better.
Minister for Road Transport - Laloo Yadav. With his new-found love for road rollers, he is clearly an easy choice for this. He will also hold the extra charge of Minister for Family Welfare. With nine children of his own, he knows what family welfare is all about.
Minister for Urban Development - Maneka Gandhi. She will reserve all open spaces in cities as sanctuaries for stray dogs. That would include roads also, of course. So no traffic, leading to no pollution, further leading to better economy, health and overall urban development.
Ministry for Wildlife - Dharmarao Baba Atram. He has got the rare distinction of being involved in a Chinkara hunting case while being Minister for Forests for Maharashtra. So we should now promote him to cabinet grade.
Minister for Industries (read Strikes) - Mamata Banerjee. This is clearly an open and shut case. Which means people can try to open industries, but she will always effectively shut them.
Minister for Home Affairs - Achutanandan. Why? Well, you see - this is a very sensitive ministry. Thus it can only be headed by the most insensitive person around.
Minister for Finance - Bangaru Laxman. Finance is all about making money. He knows it well.
Minister for Foreign Affairs - Vaiko. He has promised a bloodbath if Sri Lanka continues its campaign against LTTE. What better example of understanding of foreign affairs?
Minister for Sillycommunications - This will replace the current telecom ministry. With SP promising to take our country several decades, if not centuries back, we won't need telecom at all. The new sillycommunications portfolio will be headed by Amar Singh.
Minister for Cultural Affairs - Varun Gandhi. For his recent comments that reflect a refined cultural bent of mind.
Minister for Sports - Ambumani Ramadoss. He is so good at political gymnastics.
Minister for Rashtrabhasha development - Nafisa Ali. Main Hindi bhi bol sakti hoon!
Minister for Defense - Deve Gowda. For defending our country, we need someone who is always alert....

What about Prime Minister? I have a novel proposal for that. Mulayam Singh, Ramvilas Paswan, Mayawati, Prakash Karat, AB Bardhan, Jayalalitha, Sharad Pawar, Karunanidhi, Chandrababu, Kalyan Singh.... There are so many, isn't it? We can easily have a list of 52 such people. Then they will each take turns to be PM for a week each. Why only one week? There are 2 reasons.

1. Given the agenda of the left backs, we will not have any advanced transportation in the country. Everyone will be back to bullock-carts. So each of them will take a week to travel to his/her constituency, cut a few ribbons there, and return to New Delhi.
2. In any case, I can't see how a coalition govt formed by the 3rd, 4th (or 43rd, for that matter) front lasting more than a week even in normal circumstances. Plus, it wont put them under any undue pressure to perform. After all, many great people have been in power for five years and done nothing noteworthy. So how can we expect them to do anything in five days?


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Pushkaraj said...

Thanks for the comment futuremantra,
I did check the website. Will definitely check it regularly.

Kadambari said...

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