Friday, June 18, 2010

Simplify life - watch TV after midnight

If you happen to have the genes of a bat or an owl (like me) and tend to watch TV in the wee hours of the night, then don't read this. Because you would already know what I am going to say. For others, read on and get enlightened.
Post midnight, there are the following categories of programs available for you.
1. Channels from a certain part of Indian geography (OK OK, I am just being politically correct. Like the news reporters who think they get away by saying "people of a certain community...") that show songs of only one type. And that type is called 'conjug... sorry, communal gymnastics in the rain'.
2. Then there are the omnipresent news channels who show nothing new. What's new in that, you may ask. DON'T ask!

That's all? Is that ALLLL ?? No my dear early-to-bed-early-to-rise friends, that's not all. Don't be disheartened. The third category is actually a VAST category. A category that cynics might write off in one phrase as 'online TV shopping'. But actually it is a mind-boggling cornucopia of products that promise to make your life simple. Here's a sample of what you can get. JUST a sample. This is by no means the complete list.
i. Magical gadgets to do all your kitchen work in a jiffy. No more chopping away at onions while wiping tears, use THIS instead!
ii. Amazing gadgets to repair dents on your car in matter of seconds.
iii. A.G.T.R. scratches on your car I.M.O.S.
iv. Sofa-cum-bed-cum-God knows what else. And guess what, you can  also drag this contraption behind your SUV. Just for fun!
v. Lockets, bracelets, gems and their cousins to ward off evil spirits, ghosts, not to mention बुरी नज़र...
vi. Handycams. Yes.
vii. Spycams. Yessssssss.....
viii. Fitness gizmos. You will never see any of these in your gym. Why? Of course! Your gym owner doesn't watch TV! He doesn't know the magical qualities of these gadgets, you see? Available in all possible shapes and sizes . I am NOT referring to the models that sell these, I am talking about the products, you dirty minds...!
ix. Pheromones. I am NOT joking, serious!
So all you there who go to sleep at 10, you are missing this life-simplifying phenomenon.
OK, jokes apart. I may be naive here, but please tell me, have ANY of you EVER bought ANYTHING that is shown on these shows? I am yet to come across even one person. I can't boast of being highly gregarious, but yes, I do have a large circle of friends and it can't be written off as an insignificant sample size.
I know how TV channels get their money. From ad spots, of course. In that case, I am completely at a loss to understand the business model of these online shopping shows. Or is there actually some serious demographic behavioral survey behind this, that tells channels about the kind of people that watch TV after midnight?

Please tell me. WHO buys these things....?????

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